Victory. VICTORY!

My "me" day turned out the be the most fabulous "me" day I could have asked for and it's not even 1:30pm yet.

I went to get my hair done, and while waiting under the dryer my phone rang. It was from my work number. My heart sank thinking it was someone from work needing me to do something work related on my day off. I picked it up, and instead, it was my HR rep.

HR: Sorry for calling you on your day off. Did you hears the news?
Me: What news?
HR: The insurance company overturned their denial! It's approved now! You'll get a letter in the mail.
Me: (silence. speechless. Tears forming in my eyes)
Me: Oh my gosh. Thank you!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU!  You can call me at 2am in the morning with this kind of news! WOW!
HR: Have a wonderful weekend!

Oh, I will have a wonderful weekend.

I started texting Kevin, and a couple EA friends. And no more than an hour later as I was getting my hair cut I got a call from my clinic. I hated to be "that lady" who takes a call in the stylist chair, but I knew I had to take it. It might be good news...or it might be bad news. But I had to know right away so I answered.

Embryologist: Guess what?
Me: .....WHAT?!
Embryologist: They're shipping. We have a tank going there Monday. It will arrive Tuesday. They will ship on Wednesday and be here on Thursday.
Me: Oh. MY. GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, friends. These embryos will be here Thursday! And I don't have to pay out of pocket!

I suspected I might get good news on the embryos today, but had absolutely no idea the insurance situation would be resolved today too. I had completely given up on it. And I get both of this information within one hour of each other on a day I chose to have off for me. I feel like a million bucks right now.

I started crying in the chair, and my stylist (who I was seeing for the first time, mind you) asked me what it was all about. And I decided to tell her an abridged version of our story and how important that phone call was to me. I could tell she was sincerely touched and happy for us. She said she can't wait to see me again and hear news! She didn't say anything inconsiderate or rude, like sometimes I expect from strangers. And since I was there to cut my hair to donate a wig to underprivileged children, she said "See? You donate something to others, and you get something even better donated to you in return."

Boy was she right!!! Best. Hair. Appointment. Ever.

As for my actual hair, here are some before and after pics.

Before

After

Bye, hair!

Tomorrow will be "me" day

I've decided to take tomorrow, Friday, off of work and enjoy some "me" time.

I plan to go get a massage, have lunch with my Dad, help him with his finances (okay maybe that's not ME time, but I love the guy and he is blind and needs the help) and I will get my hair done somewhere in the mix.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't get my hair done that often because it's a hassle, it's expensive and takes a long time. Kevin is baffled how a man can go to the corner strip-mall haircut chain and get an $8 haircut with a coupon and be done in 20 minutes. Then I go get my hair done, and about three hours later I leave approximately $200 dollars poorer. He has a point. Oh well, that's life as a female, right?

My hair is crazy long right now. And the last time I had it cut was last October! Yikes. It's getting kind of annoying since it's almost to my waist, and I wear it up most of the time. So it's time for a cut, color, and full highlight. But most importantly, I don't want this cut to fall on the floor and end up in the trash.

About seven years ago, I learned about Locks of Love. I have since donated hair to this cause and it's one of the best feelings in the world to know you are helping a financially disadvantaged child in need. If you are not familiar with this wonderful charity, check it out!

I think I'm going to do it again tomorrow. I have lots of hair to spare. I find that whenever I'm feeling down in the dumps, focusing on the needs of others helps put my problems in perspective. If I were a child fighting disease and had no hair, what would my life be like? Or what if I was a parent of a child who was going through a medical struggle and could not afford a wig? My heart breaks. I am blessed in so many ways, I really am.

I hope I can get an appointment for tomorrow since it's the only planned day off.

I'm still praying for some good news from my embryologist today. It will make my "me" time even more wonderful if I know we have an embryo ship date!

For the love of all things holy.

Wednesday.

Today is WEDNESDAY. The wonderful day that I had every faith in the world I'd finally get word that these embryos were shipping! Why? Because the donor clinic assured my embryologist that they would have this "nurse sign off" approval and they'd call her yesterday. Ready to go. Simple enough!

Apparently that was just too high of an expectation. They never called.

So my embryologist called them today only to be told it was still awaiting "nurse sign-off" approval.

I came unglued. I seriously came unglued. I immediately contacted Libby and asked her if she could put some pressure on them. She was furious and called herself and they told her they DO have all the approval and now they gave the name of the contact at the lab.

WHAT THE EFF?! WHAT THE EFFING EFF?

Why is this so hard? WHY? The simplest thing are the hardest things with them!

Well, by the time I had this lab contact's name and went to call my embryologist with it, it was 4:02 pm. My clinic closed at 4pm. It went to voicemail. I emailed my embryologist and let her know.

I am so embarrassed that my embryologist, a woman with a PhD who creates life for a living, has had to make so many futile calls to chase after these people. She has better things to do. I have better things to do. So does Libby. It's awful.

So more waiting. Is tomorrow the day? Hell, is even next week the week?

Oh and this comes on the heels of a very hard day yesterday. Nadia took a crazy nose dive on her blood sugar yesterday to the point where all the karo syrup and high carb gravy didn't bring her back up. I ended up at the vet who pumped her full of dextrose. Luckily I was working from home and caught it in time. We dodged the bullet, for a day at least. But I know there will be a day where I won't be home when this happens and I will certainly come home to find a comatose or dead cat. The thought horrifies me. This cat has been my friend for almost 10 years. The thought of losing her like this is incredibly upsetting. But its a very real one.

No wonder I'm wanting to cry at the drop of a hat.

I JUST NEED SOME GOOD NEWS.

A little longer

My embryologist got back to me. She got confirmation that the donor clinic has all of the paperwork they need to ship.

But...

They need a nurse to sign off on it, whatever that means! They expect that to be done today and will be calling my embryologist back tomorrow to arrange shipping.

My embryologist is skeptical she will get a call back tomorrow as they say because she's heard that before from them with no follow through. She plans to call them Wednesday if she doesn't hear back from them tomorrow.

I pray that there are no issues with this "nurse sign off" and that they do get back to my embryologist quickly.

I'm cautiously optimistic. Thank you for your prayers.

Stay tuned...

I have some potentially very good news.

Libby's husband quickly filled out and emailed the final form that their clinic required, and their clinic finally acknowledged on Friday that they have everything they need to ship the embryos. Oh happy dance. I'll feel better once my embryologist calls and can confirm and then lets me know a ship date. I emailed my embryologist on Friday to ask her to call today, so I'm hoping to hear back any minute. If not, of course I will follow up. This might be the really real-deal. Stay tuned!!

And in other news, this weekend was insane. I feel like I need a weekend after the weekend!

Nadia's blood sugar dropped to dangerous levels Friday night, Saturday night, and even last night. I was up until after 4:30am Friday and Saturday, and thankfully Kevin took over last night's duties. When this happens, you have to check blood glucose levels every 30 minutes and attempt to bring it back up with high carb cat food gravy and karo syrup.  It's critical to bring the levels up quickly because if it gets too low, it can be deadly. She was in the 40s every night! She's had a dose decrease and I'm just praying with don't have a fourth night of this. I spent much of the days napping in between her daytime checks.

I feel like I have a newborn....without the newborn. I guess it means that Kevin and I just might be good, attentive parents, should we be so blessed.

Nope. Not yet.

When my embryologist called Libby's lab on Tuesday, the woman she spoke to said they didn't have the form yet. Or at least it hadn't been scanned into their system. She said she'd look for it and assured my embryologist she would call her right back.

But no one ever called her back.

And now my embryologist is going to be out the rest of this week. She has a life and of course it doesn't revolve around me. But I feel like I want to stomp my feet like a two-year old.

Well, Libby got a voicemail from her lab yesterday saying they need yet another form completed, only this time completed by her husband. It is yet another form they never even mentioned was required until now, even though Libby first started this process with them months ago.

They said this is surely the last step. I really hope it is. I feel like we've been at the last step for months now. But now the lab is saying it is, so maybe this is really it?

I am so grateful for Libby and her husband. I know this is frustrating for them too. Libby has bent over backwards (and then some) to help make this happen. And since I am not the patient at her clinic, I am unable to do any of the follow up or calling. She has had to do EVERYTHING. I don't know how many donors might have just given up by now, but she has stuck it out. My heart literally aches. It aches to finally meet our embryos. It aches with gratitude for Libby. It aches to get out of this depression as I wait for these seemingly neverending steps to be completed.

As soon as these embryos ship, you're going to hear screaming...yes, delightful screams. No matter where in the country you are you will certainly hear it. And you can be sure it's originating from Austin, TX.

I just hope it is soon.

Please

Yesterday the embryologist from my clinic called the patient coordinator from the donor clinic to confirm they have all of the necessary paperwork in order to start shipping.

I haven't heard anything back yet, but I do hope to hear something today. I will give it a few hours before I follow up.

Please please please let them have all of the paperwork. Please let it be enough. Please let this final step be complete.

Let's see.

Time bomb cake

Here's a recipe for a time-bomb cake:

Cake

• 1 cup frustrated infertile wife
• 1 cup frustrated infertile husband
• 10 pound diabetic cat needing constant attention
• 5 cups idiotic insurance company making ridiculous decisions
• 2 cups idiotic HR department reps who are not helpful at all
• 1 cup donor-clinic never-ending paperwork bureaucracy

Frosting:

• 1 daily birth control pill

Heat oven to 100+ degree humid Texas heat. Pour all ingredients into a bowl and mix vigorously until tears and bloodcurdling screams start to form. Bake, and watch carefully for top to blow off which will inevitably happen. Frost with special birth control frosting to ensure absolute madness.

There's my attempt at trying to make light of where I am mentally.

I wish I had news on positive progress. But of course, I don't.

Each and every Monday morning I wake up hoping and praying I get good news in the upcoming week. Then without fail, the following Friday I end up in a cryfest to Kevin because nothing moved forward and I have found myself still waiting.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

The frustration builds with every passing day. This negativity is hanging around my head like an anvil. I'm sure I'm not pleasant to be around. I'm certainly not myself.

What do all of you do when you need an outlet to blow off the steam? Punching bag? Shooting targets?

Let's hear your suggestions.

Let's talk about some good things.

I have been posting mainly about embryo shipping delays and insurance bureaucratic nightmares that have been frustrating the crap out of me for going on months now. So instead of posting about the frustrating and obnoxious things today, I am going to write about what is going well.

Today, out of the blue, I got an email from my RE's billing person. She was letting me know that she had just learned of the insurance denial this morning. Even though she had no knowledge of the fact that I already knew of the denial and Kevin and I had already made the decision to pay out of pocket, her email proposed that instead of us paying the typical $4050, she would accept only $2733.65 out of pocket!  She is confident my insurance will pay monitoring and ultrasounds, which is the reason for the lesser amount. She will still submit the claims after the fact for the amount we will be paying out of pocket, I'm glad to hear we are on the same page without even asking. And $3k out of pocket is a lot easier to stomach than $4k we were previously expecting!

And on that same topic, I contacted my HR benefits rep last Thursday about the appeal denial. She was able to quickly get in touch with our assigned company-wide insurance rep. The insurance rep has already reached out to the medical review panel who denied the appeal and we are waiting to hear back any day now. There is still an unrealistic but hopeful part of me that thinks they may change their decision based on the rep's involvement, but who am I kidding? I told my HR Rep in no uncertain terms they have until Friday to make some progress on this otherwise we will pay out of pocket. And if my insurance company won't pay out the claims we submit after the fact, an attorney will be contacting them to collect reimbursement. That is not an empty threat.

But between me and you, if the embryos haven't even shipped by Friday there is no sense in me paying out of pocket right away to continue to wait for them to ship. My cycle will still be delayed until they get here so I might as well let my HR rep still hash it out with the insurance in the meantime. But in her mind, she has until Friday. I'm sure it won't make a difference but whatever.

And last, in non-infertility-related good news, I'm elated to tell you Nadia has made tons of measurable improvement in the very short amount of time since she was diagnosed with kitty diabetes on June 28th. She has already added 8 ounces back to her previously bony figure (which is a lot for a 10 pound cat in just two and a half weeks!) And her blood sugar went from being at 441 at the time of her diagnosis to now staying steady between 200-300. I am going to be slowly increasing her insulin dose this weekend but I have every reason to believe she will go into remission after a few months of her being regulated as her pancreas heals. Until remission, I am a slave to her blood glucose testing throughout the day and her twice-daily shots, but all of that hard work has been made much more rewarding now that I know it's working and she's getting better!

Thank for all of the prayers and support. I can feel good news just around the corner. And I have a feeling that once we get past these final two hurdles, everything is going to fly at supersonic speed after that!