5w0d milestone! Abnormal TSH levels

Today marks a new milestone. I'm 5w0d on the dot. I'm feeling pretty good physically! I've been somewhat tired, have some minor swelling in my gums, somewhat tender boobs, but no nausea or anything else. Not even cramping anymore! Even when I've had the not-so-pleasant symptoms, they make me happy because it means I'm pregnant. Is that weird to like having pregnancy symptoms or what?

Onto other news, I got the TSH results back from my blood draw on Monday. I have never had an abnormal thyroid result come back in my life before, but the lab work did show it was slightly elevated now. It came back at 2.54 and they want to see it under 2.5 for pregnancy. So close, yet so far away. :) I had no idea what this meant, but my nurse said it's very normal for TSH to go up during pregnancy. But it's also very important that we bring it down to a better level for the baby's sake. Higher TSH can dramatically increase miscarriage and early labor. The good news is, I can be treated with an extremely low daily dose of Synthroid - only 25mcg. It's an interesting medication though because I have to take it on a completely empty stomach, and not eat or drink anything for at least an hour after taking it. I also have to wait to take my other medications until that hour has passed since it's very persnickity and won't absorb properly if there are other contents in the stomach.

I have to say, I am very pleased with my REs proactive approach in monitoring these kinds of things. They drew my P4 early in the game, caught a problem when it was too low, and adjusted it accordingly to fix it. And now they've caught this before something bad happened too! I guess it can take up to a month for the TSH levels to be impacted so lets pray this helps bring the TSH down and this baby(ies) is okay in the meantime.

Because of our somewhat low/average beta numbers, I have a feeling we have a singleton in there. I'd think our numbers would be much much higher for twins. For some reason I've been also thinking it's a girl. Who the heck knows? But I'm going to toot my own horn for a second and tell you that I've been 100% correct in guessing my friends' and family's baby's genders for the past five years or so. One hundred percent. I know its just the luck of the odds, but still, I'm on a serious streak. We'd be happy for anything that God gives us, but that's just my hunch.

I had a weird dream last night where I had to go to my regular doctor for some blood tests related to blood sugar. While there, I mentioned that I was pregnant and this young nurse decided to do an abdominal ultrasound on me right away. In fact, she was so abrupt that I was standing up even in a crowd of people in the waiting room. She counted twins! I was shocked, excited, but kind of upset that Kevin wasn't with me to find this out. I've heard pregnancy can give you wacky dreams, so I'll chalk it up to that.

Much better today!

I've never had anxiety like I did yesterday. I would say that I'm just plain crazy and it was just me, but Kevin was going through the same thing. Even though we weren't physically together, we were texting back and forth and he was telling me how his anxiety was through the roof too. I don't think it would have been so high had we not had to wait so long for the results. We didn't get them until the evening. The build-up just kept  going on and on and your mind starts racing about worst-case scenario. After work, we went out to a crab-boil place, got really messy and had a wonderful dinner. I felt much better and I still feel better today. Whew!

I thought we'd only have two beta draws, but it sounds like there is a third one scheduled for Thursday. Now that I've seen the first two double, I'm not going to let myself get worked up about the third. And my understanding at this point is that if it's doubling correctly, that will be our last beta and we get to schedule our first ultrasound for next week.

I hope everyone is having a good day!

Finally. Beta #2.

FINALLY. My nurse made some magic happen after my begging for her to call the lab and yell at people. :) She is my hero today!

The lab released the beta: 14dp5dt - 294.

This is up from 93 on Friday which gives us a doubling time of 43.36. This is FANTASTIC. I guess the holdup was because they didn't do my TSH level yet and they were withholding everything until they had it all. Lame! Thanks for all the stress, lab people!

I'm still trying to come down from being so physically high-strung and stressed all day from all of the lab shenanigans and now I'm actually watching shingles fly off of our roof (which look like dollar bills to me) as I type this.

But I'm going to try to listen to a meditation CD or something when I get off of work in an hour and bring my blood pressure down to a good level. Thanks so much for thinking of me!

Still no results! I am so upset!

It's 5:15 pm. No results. I have called my RE multiple times and they said that the lab has not sent them yet. I looked at the lab's patient portal, and they aren't posted yet so it looks like the lab is the holdup. I even tried calling the lab's customer service line, and they said they'd only talk to doctors, not patients and transferred me to a patient line that was already closed!

I called the head nurse at my RE and she said she'd try calling them too but this was over 30 minutes ago. The RE office is now closed.

We've had a wind storm here all day and my husband just got home. Not only is he upset too about not having the results, but he saw that a ton of our shingles have blown off of our house and we need to get a roofer here to replace them. I thought I already had stress.

I'm ready to cry.

Why am I so scared?

Friday my nerves were through the roof worrying about Monday's beta doubling. However, this weekend wasn't too bad. We kept ourselves pretty busy on Saturday and Sunday so I felt good about everything and stayed positive. We even went to Barnes and Noble and bought a bunch of children's books. That is just how confident and good I felt about everything, until today.

This morning I'm a wreck again. I'm so nervous, I feel like my blood pressure is sky high. I have no logical reason to think that my beta will not be doubling properly, but the emotionally traumatized side of me is braced for the worst. In the last few years, it seems like every time I finally let go and enjoy some positivity and hope, the worst happens. When my mom was sick with cancer, I remember one day getting a call days before my birthday announcing that her tumors had shrunk by 25%! We felt so optimistic that the chemo was working and she'd get better. I cried tears of joy and believed she'd make it. Well, we all know the end page of that story. She didn't. I also remember when my OB/Gyn diagnosed me with PCOS and gave me Metformin. She told me I'd be pregnant in three months. Easy peasy! Talk about hope! Well, after going to an RE, not only did I not have PCOS, I found out I had one of the most severe DOR cases my RE had seen. IVF was not even a real hopeful option. Crushed once again.

So part of me is scared of being excited because I know how much it hurts to fall after being offered such hope. 

I know you all are going to tell me to stay positive and it's bad for my baby. I know this, but I seriously can't shake it. No matter how many times I've prayed for peace or how many times I remind myself there's not one logical reason to think this pregnancy is failing, it is looming over me. Could part of this be hormonal? I can't figure out why I am so terrified.

And of course, I continue to POAS once every morning. It's getting darker so that's bringing me some comfort as I wait. The one with the black line was from my last Beta. But I keep thinking - shouldn't it be twice as dark if it has more than doubled in three days?

Did anyone else feel this way waiting for their second beta? I'm a million times more terrified than my first because at least I knew that one would be positive. There isn't a way to tell if the beta has doubled from HPTs, so I feel like I'm in the dark somewhat.

My first beta results came in before 12pm CST. I'm hoping they get them just as quick today. I'll update you all once they are in. Thank you for your prayers. I need some prayers for peace right now! 

A dream come true: Telling Gamma and Papa the news

Yesterday was a day Kevin and I had dreamed about for a very long time: Announcing a pregnancy to Kevin's mom and my dad.

After we got the call from the nurse, we grabbed the special items we had bought for both of them respectively and we headed out the door. First stop, Papa's house.

We walked in the door, and he was on the phone. He quickly hung up because he knew we were there with the news of the outcome of our cycle. He's blind, so we tried to keep a poker face in the tone of voice and had him sit down. But the first thing out of his mouth was "Are you excited!?" It was like he already had planned it it being positive! That majorly threw me off of my game! I said "You don't even know what the results are yet...why don't you sit down?"

He was only expecting good news I guess, because when we told him the cycle worked, he didn't seem overly surprised. He said he was very happy for us and proud of our courage to get through such a hard process. Kevin asked that my dad say a special paternal prayer with us and ask for special blessings for this baby and pregnancy. This shocked me because Kevin isn't very religious! I thought it was so sweet and was a perfect thing to do next! This overjoyed my dad to be asked to say such a special prayer over us and our child(ren.) He said a LONG prayer. It had to be at least 10 minutes long! He had a lot to say, of course. :) I could hear his voice shake and even though my eyes were closed, I am 99% sure he was crying. I gave him the items we bought for him. A baby tee shirt, a photo frame that says "Papa's the name, spoiling's my game", and a book. I made him pose for a photo. :)

He mentioned how holding the little tee shirt just made him very excited thinking that there would be a baby in his arms in October! Even though he was blind he could appreciate how tiny it was. On the way out the door, I had him put his hand on my tummy to get the first touch of his new grandchild(ren.)

We left his house and headed to Gamma's house. I emailed her the day before and told her we were going to stop by her house with the news whether it be positive or negative. We knocked on her door, but she didn't answer. We tried a few more times until finally Kevin called her. I guess she was asleep! She let us in and we kept our poker faces again. Kevin said "We got our test results today. I don't think I can read them.  I want you to read them." So she put on her Gamma glasses, and Kevin gave her the onesie from his pocket that says "Gamma 'heart's me." It took her a few seconds to register that she wasn't looking at a paper with a negative result, but instead was being told she is expecting her first grandchild(ren.) She instantly started crying! I pulled the other items out of my purse. There was a "I love grandma" picture frame and books and I handed them to her too. This part is kind of a blur because it made me cry too. Even Kevin was crying! I think he said somewhere in there "You're going to be a grandma!"

I told her that I originally bought one book for my mom to read, but since she is now in heaven I hope she'd do the honor of telling our kids about the Grandma in heaven whenever she reads our kids that particular book. She said she would, of course!

I would have snapped a photo with her and all of her items except she just woke up and she would have certainly said no to a photo op. Oh well, the photo of her joy is forever in my head. :)

We agreed we'd all go to dinner to celebrate that night!

Kevin called his sister and I called both of my brothers. We explained we were expecting a baby from our miracle snowflake adopted embryos and everyone was extremely excited. I am not very close to my brothers so I was not sure of what kind of reaction I'd get. However, my heart was warmed hearing how accepting and happy they were for us!

We had a wonderful dinner at a fancy restaurant and both Gamma and Papa talked all night long about their joy and elation.

I wish I could say I had 100% fallen into accepting this is really happening, but infertility robs you of the innocent joy that other people experience after their big BFP. After so many failures, I can't help but shake the idea that all of this will be stolen from us around the next corner. I wish I could say I was finally calm after getting that call, but in reality I am more anxious than ever. Now that I have seen everyone experience such joy and elation, the idea of "untelling" everyone makes me so sick that I can hardly bear it. I am praying with everything I have that this pregnancy continues to progress and that my beta is doubling properly on Monday. Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers!

The beta results are in!

The nurse just called and said "You're definitely pregnant!"

Beta number one - 93!
Progesterone at 29. Woot woot!

I hope that's a good number for 11dp5dt. The nurse said she wanted to see me over 50 so I feel good about 93. We are going to head over to my dad's house then Kevin's mom's house to finally let them know. And I already made reservations at a restaurant for the four of us to continue to soak in the good news tonight.

Beta #2 is on Monday. It's going to be a loooooooooooong weekend! I could use any prayers you have that it doubles appropriately by then. :)

I'm having puppies or kittens, depending on who I talk to.

I've been telling our dog Oscar "I'm having puppies! There are puppies in here!" pointing to my tummy. I figure I need to explain it in a way he understands. And of course, I tell the cats I'm having kittens. I still don't think any of them get it. :) Shocker.

My friend Candace surprised me by sending some baby stuff to us yesterday. I opened up the package and instantly started crying. Kevin wasn't home at the time, but Oscar was next to me since he's generally my shadow. I turned to him with tears in my eyes saying "Is this really happening? Is this really happening?" It just hit me hard that I'm getting baby gifts because I'm pregnant! Wow!

And onto some more exciting news, I got an email from Vicky yesterday. She is thinking about making a trip to Texas this summer with her son Alex. Oh. My. GOSH. We would be so incredibly excited to finally meet her and her son in person, especially while so far along in my pregnancy. Can you just imagine how wonderful that would be?

And tomorrow is the big beta day! I've had the day off of work ever since I got my official calendar. I figured I'd need the day off in the event I got bad news. But I'm feeling pretty confident about the results at this point since I've been POAS in the mornings and the wondfos are getting darker every day. I realize anything could still happen, but I'm trying to ride the positivity train as long as I can. I'm also having regular cramping. Something is definitely going on in there.

My first beta is tomorrow, my second will be Monday. If my numbers are doubling correctly, then our first ultrasound will be March 8th. That will put me at 6w2d pregnant. I'm not sure if that's too early to hear a heartbeat, but we will definitely be able to do a count. Two or one?

I probably won't post again until I have my beta results. I appreciate all of the prayers for a great number and then again for Monday's to double appropriately. Have a wonderful day!

I appreciate any and all thoughts and prayers you have for rockstar numbers!

4wk0d pregnant. Are we talking about me? Can't be!

4wk0d pregnant. Are we talking about me? No, we must be talking about someone else because this is just impossible. Hopefully after the beta it will feel more real! But today puts me right at the 4wk0d mark. Wacky!

I've been having some queasiness starting after my nap on Monday until I went to sleep and again from around 10am yesterday to about 3pm. No nausea so far today but I'm wondering if this is indeed some form of morning sickness setting in a little early. We stocked up on ginger beer!

I POAS once this morning, and it's much darker. That makes me happy!

I did something stupid this morning and now I'm feeling guilty. I'm not saying that to be funny, I mean it - I really do feel guilty. Our water went out this morning. Our neighborhood HOA group was emailing back and forth about it and when the water was finally restored, someone asked the group if there would be a boil-water order put in place. I replied to the entire HOA group saying something along the lines of "I'm not sure but I'll call the water company and ask and get back to you. I'm pregnant and I don't want to risk it."

I hit send and immediately cringed.  That email went to over 600 homes. Had I not learned anything during the time I struggled?  I am so excited about being pregnant that I want to shout it from the mountain tops, but what does my being pregnant have to do with anything? What did it add to my email? Nothing.  I just became one of those insensitive people who flashed her pregnancy in front of a bunch of strangers. And no doubt some of them either have or are currently struggling. I couldn't take it back once it was sent. I suppose it could be worse, but I do sincerely feel bad about adding that pointless and braggart sentence to my email. I have vowed time and time again never to forget my sisters who still silently suffer. I promise I will never forget. The experience of infertility has forever changed me. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry I did that.

Luckily there is no boil-water order in effect so we are good there.

As far as my upcoming beta goes, I emailed my RE nurse yesterday and asked if we could move it up to today so my second would be Friday. She said no. Well, actually here is what she said verbatim:

I would really rather you wait until Friday for your test! 2 days can show huge changes in numbers and we want the most accurate number! We will do your second test on Monday which is normally how we do it! I know you are anxious and want to see the numbers, but we really need to wait the entire time!!!

I obviously will have to wait until Friday. She's right that two days can show a dramatic change in beta numbers, but I thought the number itself didn't matter so much as it's doubling time. I don't get what she means by the "most accurate number." At whatever point I get it drawn, it will be accurate. That didn't make sense.

Oooooh well. Holding out until Friday! And my second will be Monday.

One step at a time, here. One win at a time. :)