Standing Still

I feel like I'm standing still. And there are times that standing still makes me want to scream.

If you've been my follower, you know I have spent countless days busting my butt to get everything in order for this cycle to get started. I had no idea I'd be stalled out at the very last step due to bureaucratic nonsense. The latest is that I found out yesterday that my evil insurance company will not allow a physician review for our FET preauthorization denial. Instead it has to go through the formal appeal process.

This process takes THIRTY DAYS!

I am so frustrated. I'm not trying to be a baby here. I know that thirty days will come and go, and it will be what is meant to be in the end. However, there's still no guarantee they will approve it even after we've waited. And then I'll really lose my marbles!

I've also left a message for the embryologist for a status update on the embryo shipping because I still haven't heard anything there.

Trust me - I'll be overjoyed when our embryos make it here. But I had fantasized that the notice of their shipping would be the day that the culmination of all of this hard work and coordination would be the green light to get my calendar. Nope. We are waiting on this stupid insurance stuff.

And if I may continue my gripe for a moment, the following J&J commercial seems to be on the TV every time I turn it on. It's 60 seconds of tear-jerking, rip-your-heart-out-and-stomp-on-it images/sounds/words to an infertile or a woman who has experienced loss. Or even to a person who has lost their own mother.

Especially that very last line: "All the things in life that make life worth living."

I'm not usually overly sensitive to this kind of stuff, but this one is really getting to me. (If you're having a hard infertile day, don't watch it....)

All in all, as disappointed as I am for standing still, I'm trying to look at a bright side here. More time waiting around to cycle means more time to continue to get my body healthy again. I've lost 11 pounds since my miscarriage, even though it's been grueling. I will pat myself on the back there and try to focus on the positives. It's just hard when you want something so bad that is so crazy hard, yet seemingly so easy for most everyone else.