2014

Here I am writing you from the year 2014. That sounds so....future-y. To recap my night last night, I was so tired, that I was in bed by about 9pm. So it marked the first new year in about 12 years that I haven't rang in January 1 with the count down. I wouldn't have changed it one bit! I have never looked forward to a new year so much. 2014 is finally our year.

2013 was.....what's the right word? Exhausting. We did three frozen embryo transfers, lost two babies, and were finally pregnant with a baby with a healthy, beating heart as we rang in the new year (or I guess you could say I snored in the new year.) But all of the hard work and heartache was so worth it. It has forever changed who I am and will be. Had someone told me ten years ago I'd be in this position, I would never have believed them. Never in a million years did I think I'd be an outspoken advocate for embryo adoption. I wouldn't have even known of it! Never did I think I could be pregnant with our adopted child. Never would I have believed I would have relationships with our genetic donor families. And never did I think it would have been this hard to get here. But the pain had a purpose because it's changed me. Forever.

My heart still aches, and will forever ache, for those of you are still praying for your miracles. I hate that any of us have to suffer from infertility and/or loss. It's been the hardest experience of my life times a hundred. It's so unfair that some of the most amazing women I've met are forced to fight this fight that they never signed up for. And then cruelly, the majority of the world doesn't understand their pain. So we suffer in silence.

There are literally no words to express the gratitude to God, to Kevin, to our donors, my fellow EA mama-friends, and to all of you. I couldn't have made it to this point without you all. I hope all of your dreams come true on whatever path you are on. I hope 2014 brings you success. And if nothing else, a promising path of hope for the future.