Today I wanted to share my birth plan. Or should I say, my lack of a birth plan.
I don't have one. And that's intentional.
Had you asked me before infertility, I would have given a far different answer. I am the kind of planner and organizer who would have probably had a three page birth plan typed up and handed to the hospital at the time of delivery. But infertility and loss changed all of that. I learned that planning can sometimes set up unrealistic expectations for myself. And it taught me that it doesn't matter
how I get to the finish line, it just matters to me that I do. It's certainly taught be to be flexible. So on the topic of how Sammy makes it into this world, I don't want a plan. I want to go with whatever happens and be okay with whatever unfolds. I trust my doctor 110% and I know he has me and Sammy as a top priority. I told him the only request I have is to please let both of us live through it. So if keeping me and Sammy alive is my birth plan, I guess we can call it that.
For ladies who became pregnant after infertility or loss, did your experience with infertility/loss change your expectations for birth?
I love your plan! I learned in hard way that you can plan anything you want but things will take it's own course.
ReplyDeleteAnd at the end it really does not matter how this little one comes to the world. I wished for natural birth, but ended up with c-section...
Thanks! I'm sorry you didn't get what you wished for, but glad you have your little one in your arms. :)
DeleteI'm with you - I just want a healthy baby. I am 34 weeks right now, and while I would prefer natural, it's okay if it changes. Your perspective definitely changes after you have been through infertility and loss for sure.
ReplyDeleteIt definitely does change! :) Congrats on making it so far!
DeleteAfter dealing with infertility for 10 years, I knew I wanted to give birth without having a plan. My daughter was a week late, I had to be induced, got to 9 centimeters and her heart beat was getting too high for long periods of time so the docs decided to do an emergency cesarean. I never imagined I'd have one, but as long as my daughter came out healthy, I'd go with whatever the doctors recommended. I think your decision to go in open is the best option! You're heart won't crush if you end up in a cesarean because in the end it will be best for both you and Sammy.
ReplyDeleteSounds scary but I'm so glad it turned out okay! :) Thanks for commenting.
DeleteI had a typed birth plan... but it went out the window when she was breech and needed a C section to come out. I'll still type one up for future kids, though. It's nice for the post-birth stuff- like meds and bathing. My plan had "give baby to mama immediately!" but I was in surgery so that couldn't happen.
ReplyDeleteI hope things work out how you wish for future babies! :)
DeleteHey, that's enough of a plan for me! Even though I'm a bit of a planner, I've never been one to make a birth plan, not before IF/Loss and not with my son after. My mom lost my sister as an infant, so I think that probably had me firmly in the "I just want us both to survive it" camp.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your sister....that would definitely change things for me too.
DeleteSame as you (and thank god because if I had made ima plan it would have looked NOTHING like what actually ended up happening). I am glad I was educated about the drug options and things like internal monitoring and vitamin K so I would know what was happening if it got brought up. But a "keep my babies alive" plan was best for me. Before IF I definitely would have had a serious plan - just like you said, things change!
ReplyDeleteYup, things definitely do change! I'm glad things turned out okay in the end for you! :)
DeleteI completely agree with you! like Kimberly, I was glad that I was educated on lots of things before hand and I definitely have some ideas in my mind of how I want my labour to go, but I am trying not to become too fixated on them. I am definitely the kind of person who gets disappointed when things don't go as I daydreamed they would.
ReplyDeleteI'm exactly the same way so knowing that, it's taught me to keep an open mind. :) Good luck with your birth!
DeleteOh yeah.....by the time I actually got to the point where I thought I would actually deliver and take home a baby....I just did not give a damn about how it happened.....my focus was to bring home a baby for a lifetime of joy and happiness....the one day they enter the world was only important because I wanted to hold him. I pretty much told my Dr. he could get that baby out however he wanted. But...then my stubborn boy was breach. When my Dr. informed me it would be a c-section...I was like..."okay...sounds good to me....when should we do this?". I really love your non-plan. I have seen too many women set an expectation that is not met and then they spend so much time lamenting over how their plan did not go as they wanted instead of just being grateful for they baby they have in their arms. I know birth experience can be really really important to some....but it cannot be controlled....most women will get a natural birth if they want it....but the main focus really should be the baby and mama being healthy.
ReplyDeleteMy expectation is...no expectation lol! :) I'm just grateful for the opportunity, and however the OB thinks is best is what I'll do. :) Thanks for commenting.
DeleteVery wise! I have too many friends who write out super detailed birth plans and then are emotionally destroyed when they don't come to pass. If mom and baby are alive and happy at the end, then it's all worked out just as it should.
ReplyDeleteI was in labor with my first son for many, many hours. I remember very distinctly thinking that I didnt care if they took him out of my nose, as long as he came out. I was legitimately scared that they'd say, "well, he seems so comfy in there, we'll just leave him in there forever."
But, in fact, they do come out, one way or another. I think you have the best possible attitude, going with the flow. August will be here before you know it!
Thank you. This made me giggle about getting him out your nose. I feel that way too!!! Glad everything turned out for you!
DeleteOMG, your post and the comments have made me feel so much more normal. Birth plan was the last thing on my mind during the unbelievably stressful first trimester. But even though I barely feel ready to discuss it even now, it's happening - the doctor asked me the other day where I want to give birth. I was like "I dunno - we haven't thought about it." "Which hospital?" he probed. "Um the _______ is closest." So he gave me a referral to some ob-gyns he knows there and now I have to call them back and discuss this mystery. I have read blogs where birth process was extremely important and everything was planned, so I wondered if I was crazy to be thinking: "I just want a live baby. I don't care how he/she gets here - just be alive and healthy." I feel so much better after reading this post and comments.
ReplyDeleteI'm, glad this helped you!! :) Good luck with everything as you progress!
Delete