The deed is done.
My blood is drawn, and now we wait. I am crazy, no, I am INSANELY anxious. There is no doubt that my first two miscarriages damaged me emotionally and mentally. I have never had a blissfully happy beta day, and I've had plenty to look back on. I had something like seven beta draws with my first pregnancy and three for my second, so driving to the lab brings up so much anxiety and fear. I felt like I was going to puke. Every time I do that drive, I feel like I'm driving to get an inevitable outcome: low, non-doubling betas.
The thoughts are racing through my mind like crazy. If I'm nervous today, I can only imagine how nervous I will feel Thursday for beta #2! Yes, I have to wait until Thursday, as if waiting 13dp6dt for beta #1 wasn't torture enough.
I appreciate the kind words and reassurance, but unfortunately there's no talking me out of the nauseating anxiety I am dealing with as I wait for the call. In fact, I started talking to a psychologist shortly after losing baby #1 and she said she thinks I suffer from post-traumatic anxiety stemming from my mom's death, severe infertility diagnosis, and subsequent losses. And on days like today, there is no doubt she's probably right! Holy anxiety, batman! I just want that call to come already so I can begin to process - good or bad.
My plan is to try to relax (ha!) by going to go get a pedicure before work and try to focus on everything else except my fears (ha again!) I have a feeling that's going to be a tall order! :) I usually get my results anywhere from 4-6 hours after draw, so stay tuned. I will post once I get them.
I thank you all so much as you pray for my beta results today. Your support means the world to me, my amazing readers!
The blood draw is done and your survived! Step one! You also made a good plan for how to survive the day! Step two! Now step three is actually following your plan! You can do it! I really hope you get some crazy high reassuring number, but I don't that that won't be enough to make you breath a sign of relief! Just take it one day at a time! My NIH study results also suggested PTSD from my POF diagnosis. Talking to a therapist works very well for me!
ReplyDeleteSending prayers & love <3
ReplyDeleteSending lots of love and prayers your way. Hope that your plan to relax works!
ReplyDeleteGood luck! I feel like this is your time...God is so good!
ReplyDeletePraying praying praying, Liz! I haven't been through as much as you have been through, so I can't say I truly understand your level of anxiety, but I can try to imagine how difficult it is for you and I am praying that the Lord will hold you and comfort you through this. ((HUGS)) - Kelly
ReplyDeletewishing you excellent results and comfort as you wait for the news to come in.... if it is any help, i too await a call as we speak for beta #3 results..... this constant ride of emotions we endure is absolute torture..... hang in there and have faith... we just must keep going!
ReplyDeletesending good healthy high beta vibes from SC
Hang in there...praying for a nice strong beta!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today! Fingers crossed.
ReplyDeleteAmanda
Prayers! Godspeed on the wait! :)
ReplyDeleteDesperately hoping for good news for you!
ReplyDelete