As for testing, I have so many home pregnancy tests that I can't help but POAS each morning and I'm getting a mixed bag of results. The FRER isn't show as dramatic of progression morning after morning, but the wondfo got super dark today compared to yesterday. Like WAY dark. Check that puppy out!
Has anyone else used the CBE weeks estimators? I haven't decided if they are helping me, or messing with my head. I've read 1-2 weeks on these means hcg is under 156. On other sites I've read its below 200. But overall, it seems these CBE digital weeks estimators seem to be flukey on the weeks estimation. The more I read about them, it seems that not only is there a wide range of hcg values that will trigger a new category, but in many cases it's completely inaccurate. I've read accounts of women who used them, had their blood drawn that same day, and their actual hcg is completely different from what the CBE test showed. Still, my crazy IF brain would love for it to say 2-3 weeks!
Overall, I have no tangible reason to think this pregnancy might also not end well. I am just damaged from my past. I wish I could shake it and enjoy myself again. But no matter how much I try, I can't! I hope my beta brings reassuring news on Monday.
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. We had a nice day, and it was a good distraction from the worry.
Update: I had a hunch that the Wondfo was a little darker than it should be, so I tried one more a few hours later and sure enough it wasn't nearly as dark as the first. It was still just a smidgen darker than yesterday's, but clearly the wondfo in the picture above is a fluke. Must have extra dye or something!
The wondfo is super dark! Hang in there! Monday will be here soon!
ReplyDeleteI know! Unfortunately I retested and it wasn't as dark as that one, so I think that wondfo was a fluke with extra dye. Oh well!
DeleteI believe the blood tests are WAY more accurate than the pee stick, so I think your betas are going to do wonderfully. Unfortunately the fear never goes away. I had the miscarriage with you in March and I am now 18 weeks pregnant with a new baby, but the whole first trimester I was waiting for the bad news. We saw the baby and had a heartbeat but I couldn't stop the fears from creeping in. Even at 18 weeks I have that doubt that is soooo not logical, but we just can't help it! I hope the fear isn't bad too bad for you! Don't feel badly if it creeps in, it's just who we are now. The blissful pregnancy is for other women now.
ReplyDeleteI know you're right. No sense in pretending this is going to be blissful. Even if it's not, I just pray I get a happy ending of it all and the end result is a baby (or two.) Congratulations on making it to 18 weeks. :)
DeleteHoly cow--your Wonfos got super dark! Mine didn't get as dark as the control line until after I was testing everyday for like 2 weeks. They were only getting slightly darker day by day so I took that as a good sign. I used the CB indicator and got 1-2 weeks at 4w3d. I tested again 3 weeks later for 2-3 weeks.
ReplyDeleteThat's good to know! Thanks, Candace.
DeleteOh Liz....the evil evil power of home pregnancy tests. I actually hate them...for the very reason that you are feeling anxiety. I completely understand your feeling of having to POAS every day...but it's really horrible for you because you will compare and feel more anxiety than if you didn't POAS. I would have done the same if I had had a lot of tests in the house when I tested, which is why I purposely only bought one test and only peed on that one test the day before my beta. It had nothing to do with will power either, I was SCARED TO DEATH to pee on that stick! Maybe you can have Kevin hide the other tests from you....or throw them away? I would not trust the CBE to be accurate at all as far as the weeks estimator. There are enough fears and anxieties that come with pregnancy, I'm sorry this is adding to it for you. I am praying that your beta will be reassuring to you on Monday. I really hope you don't take this comment as judgment, I just care about your heart and want to protect you from more anxiety. Hang in there. Hugs, Kelly
ReplyDeleteYou are so right! I know logically everything you're saying is true, but just like what I imagine addiciton is like, I do it to get the rush of that darkening line. The problem is when it's not darkening like I want it to, it freaks me out and isn't helpful. Then I can't stop. I am close enough to Monday I think I will stop. I realize it makes me (incorrectly) feel like I have some sense of control over it, when I totally don't of course. Thanks for the words, I don't think you're judging. I know you're totally right. :)
DeleteLiz,
ReplyDeleteI've been there with poas craziness. There is only so much dye in those tests... Eventually they just don't get any darker. Your progression on the tests in the picture is awesome. I know how hard the wait is and how impossible it is to believe that everything everything will be ok. You wrote something in your blog once that really stayed with me....it's already been decided. It doesn't matter how much I worry or practice positive thinking. God has already made the choice for this pregnancy. You just continue being the best mom you can be to those little miracles. God will take care of the rest. I'm praying for you!
Thank you for reminding me of this. You're right. Somehow in my messed up brain, I think that I get to control this by taking another test or by seeing it get darker. I have no control at all. I'm glad you're able to bring me back to reality. I really hope God has decided that they should live a life on earth in August!
DeleteI was in the stage of POAS madness last weekend. My test line wasn't showing up until nearly ten minutes and was superfaint. I did a test mid-afternoon that was NEGATIVE the day before my beta test was 183. Remember your urine concentration won't always match your serum level and there is some variation with each test stick. I've only had one pregnancy loss, but I feel so cautious and we've been trying not to get excited or hopeful this time around. I have good feeling for you with this transfer.
ReplyDeletehere's a link if you want to see my pee sticks
http://minetocommand.blogspot.com/2013/11/the-poas-diaries.html
Thanks for sharing this. I really hope I get a pleasant surprise as well! It's such a mind game, isn't it!? Thanks for sharing and for the kind words.
DeleteHello, new reader here but I love your blog and have been rooting for you!! When I was pregnant, someone told me this mantra to repeat in the mirror when fear set in, "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby," Best of luck to you!
ReplyDeleteHi Kelly! Thanks for stopping by and commenting with such kind words! Thanks for the suggestion, I think I will start to focus on this. :)
DeleteSo sorry you are feeling that fear set in. Infertility has stolen so much already try not to let it steal your joy. Sending you some love!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the love! I hate infertility so bad. It makes me angry that I can't even enjoy what many women get to. :( I'll continue to try to be joyful, but sometimes it's very hard to not be scared.
DeleteI learned to test every other day, because day to day there is t always much change. But you can really compare the every other day sticks. It is a scary time for sure, especially after experiencing loss already. I am 30 weeks today, and I still worry everyday that this won't work out even though I have no valid reason for it not to. Good luck with your beta on Monday! I am excited for you.
ReplyDeleteCongrats for getting to 30 weeks. I can imagine it would still be scary and worrysome, no matter what. So much of this is created in our minds so I can't imagine it goes away until a baby is in your arms (and probably beyond!) Thanks for the kind words!
DeleteHi! I am new to your blog and just wanted to say Congrats! You and your husband are so very strong and undoubtedly will be amazing parents! I am rooting for lots of awesome news and tons of Snowflake health!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog! I appreciate the kind words and wishes for the baby(ies)! I really appreciate you rooting for us!
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