Where do I go from here?

Both Kevin and I are constantly thinking of Libby's daughter and her family. I have just wracked my brain trying to think of other ways to help. I know I can't fix anything - but man, oh man...I wish I could! Thank you, my wonderful blog readers, for showing her family support through your prayers, comments, and donations.

I had an idea hit me while thinking about ways to help. I decided to reach out to my wonderful cousin who is currently reigning as her state's Miss _______ ( but I won't name which state.) In September, she competed in the Miss America pageant. Yup, the actual Miss America pageant! I told my cousin about Libby's daughter and she wanted to help. So she will be sending me a little something to give to her courtesy of a real beauty pageant queen! I hope it makes her daughter's day a little brighter to get something from a special person who is thinking about her!

I'm not sure where to go from here. My cycle and problems just feel so insignificant. But it does move forward. But please know that just because I continue blogging about my life events and my cycle issues doesn't mean for one second that I've forgotten about Libby and her current situation. They are in our hearts for the long haul. It just seems weird to talk about anything else because my issues seem so small and unimportant. But I will continue to blog. It does help me and I know it's helped others too.

So I guess onto my cycle news, I have my final lining check on Wednesday. I have no idea what to expect since FET #1 I had no issues and FET#2 I did. But the attitude I have for this cycle is - just go with the flow, Liz. I'm really not stressed about it. I realize what is meant to be, will be. I trust in God and have faith He will show us the road to our babies someway, somehow.

But that being said, every once and a while it will hit me as to what is at stake here.

It could actually work, which would mean:

• I could end up with twins who aren't related to me or each other. Or a singleton pregnancy in which I don't know my baby's genetic background until birth PLUS have a snowflake left...

or

• I could end up with twins or a singleton from Libby's batch with no snowflakes left.

Of course in either of these scenarios I'd be pregnant so I would be thrilled and it would be incredible.

Or on the flip side, it might not work at all or end in another miscarriage which could mean I could have either one snowflake left, or no snowflakes left at all. And no baby to show for it. We'd move onto traditional adoption. Adoption is promising, but brings a whole new set of stresses and fears. I'm scared. I'm not going to deny that.

So many variables with huge implications here. I have no idea what the future holds. I'll know part of the story on transfer day, but only time will tell how the rest turns out.

And if I might say one more thing about Libby...I am in awe of Libby and her gigantic heart. Can you believe that she actually texted me this morning to tell me she's thinking of me and the snowflakes?! There just are no words for how incredible she is. 

Long before facing infertility, I used to hear stories about IVF and third party reproduction and think it was really amazing science. And I still do. But I am realizing after adopting these snowflakes and having made these connections with these incredible women, that while science does play a part, to me this is mostly about an incredible human connection and massive amounts of love. I have nothing but love for both of our donors and embryo adoption is one of the most overwhelmingly incredible experiences I have ever had in my life.