I'm not doing so well

I don't think this pregnancy is headed in a good direction. I've been testing every morning on a variety of tests and the tests are not getting darker. Even the FRERs are barely showing a line morning after morning. I can't get a digital FRER to turn positive, and those register at 25miu. For someone who received the faintest of faint positive at 4dp6dt, a healthy pregnancy should have doubled to something darker by now.

So it's starting to sink in, I'm probably going to lose another baby. Babies.

I emailed my nurse and RE to see if they might move my beta to today at 8dp6dt, which is when many REs will do it as a standard anyway. Last pregnancy, I asked for an early beta, the nurse quickly said no, so I'm guessing I will hear the same today. But I CCed the RE herself this time and said I was in some serious emotional turmoil over this and would rather know sooner than later if things aren't going to work out.

I pray she will show me some mercy and allow it.

Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. Kevin's birthday is Tuesday and we had planned to spend the whole weekend celebrating. Neither of us are in a good space or in a mood to celebrate, and I've been crying hysterically for the past few hours. My sweet dog is following me around like a shadow, I can tell he is trying to comfort me. I've been on my knees all morning just asking God why this keeps happening to us. Why? I am just sick and numb at this point.

I hope we get a miracle, but it seems like miracles happen to everyone else. Not us.

Well, I've got to go get ready to go to work. That means putting on the smiling mask of a woman who isn't having her world destroyed. I've worn it many times before, and I'll wear it yet again.

Update:
My RE agreed to letting me get my first beta done today. I just got back from the blood draw, but we expect the clinic to get the results after they close today. They are open tomorrow, so I should get the results then. Monday's results will be the most telling relative to today's. I'm so glad I was able to get in. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.