I'm nervous because it feels like every time things are going well, there's a blow that knocks me down to my knees. Sometimes I'm scared to open new doors like this, because I don't know what's behind them. But I know that for peace of mind, I need to get these tests done. Many of them would result in conditions that are easily treatable, so I hope that if I do test positive for anything that it's something simple with an easy solution.
I have my second appointment with the counselor today and I'm really looking forward to it!
I didn't do a blog post yesterday because I was being too lazy. :) So I'll catch up on my muchness posts in a two for one today!
Finding my muchness days 5 and 6
Day 5 - As mentioned, yesterday was full of complete and utter laziness. And it felt GOOD. Kevin and I just loafed around all day long and watched two movies that I've been wanting to see:
Zero Dark Thirty and Life of Pi.
Both movies were excellent and they completely surpassed my expectations. If you haven't seen them, I highly recommend both. I'd give anything to be chasing around a little one, or to be worrying about my child's needs, but since we don't have that right now we are able to take part in lazy days like this!
My muchness was in being lazy beyond comprehension and loving it. :) Sorry, no photo for this one.
Day 6 - As I write this, I'm sipping on some delicious coffee and enjoying "me time" as I get started on my day. I love coffee so much and got this mug to put it in. I love this mug because it's always a great reminder of all that I need in life.
My muchness this morning is in an inspiring and delicious mug of coffee.
We just watched both those movies too! We watched Life of Pi yesterday for the hubby's birthday. It was really good. Hope you are doing well.
ReplyDeleteLife of Pi just haunted me today, I kept thinking about it! What an incredible movie. :)
DeleteRemind yourself: knowledge is power. The tests will yield results, and with the knowledge of those results, you can best plan your next attack on this Infertility War!
ReplyDelete:)
You are absolutely right. As scary as it is, I need that knowledge and power. I will win this war!!!
DeleteI had a similar experience with my first RE. I went to her asking about autoimmune disorders, among other things I found as causes for pregnancy loss. She was agreeable, although like you, she said they normally run these tests after more losses. The test was a simple blood test. (Why it is necessary to suffer more painful pregnancy losses before running a simple blood test is beyond me!) Anyhow, my tests came back normal. Also like you, I worried and worried, but it is better to have an explanation than to continue moving forward in the dark. We switched doctors and I no longer feel the need to do my own research online. He suggests tests before we do. Goodness, there are so many variables to this whole process! Anyhow, I am thinking of you. Kudos for being your own advocate.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the positive story, I hope I don't find anything but it's good to hear I'm not alone in my worries. I'm so glad you switched doctors to one who you feel takes the reigns and you can trust. I always appreciate your comments!
DeleteI had a similar experience with my RE. I've been tested for all regular tests....but my RE (even though very well known and uses cutting edge techniques) wouldn't test me for autoimmune diseases even though I've lost 3 babies!! I'm anxious to hear what you find out!! Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteThat's too bad, I'd think they'd be more than willing to do the testing for you in a situation like that. I'm sorry to hear that. I'll definitely post what I find out!
DeleteI hope all those test results come back negative; it's always easier when you feel like you're covering all the basis and have the knowledge to help you in moving forward. We're waiting on results of our recurrent loss panels too...
ReplyDeleteLife of Pi was one of my favourite movies in the past months!
Me too! I hope the results for you are all negative as well. Glad you liked Life of Pi too!
DeleteI went through the blood panel as well after 2 FET (would have been 3 but one set didn't survive the thaw). On the second FET I had an early miscarriage and my RE actually recommended the panel. I am so glad he did b/c I have about 4 different types of blood clotting disorders!! Although each induvidually was on the low risk side, who knows what kind of effect they may have combined. I started 40 mg of Livenix before my 3rd transfer--which resulted in a pregnancy of my son. I continued Livenix throughout pregnancy and switched to Heparin at 36 weeks. I was also on an additional folic acid and 120 mg children's aspirin throughout pregnancy. It was extra work...and extra injections but all completely worth it. I look forward to what you find out and am happy to see you being so proactive!! :)
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I'm so glad that you were able to uncover the mystery and that you were able to find something that led to a successful pregnancy. I'm planning to get the blood work done on Friday, so fingers crossed! :)
DeleteI know I've said this before, but I love your positivity and your muchness posts! I know it is hard to open new doors, but you will feel good once you get your results back and you know you are ok. And even if you do discover something (which I hope you won't!) you will be able to do something about it, which is great!
ReplyDeleteI think if IVF #2 results in a BFN, I will schedule a hysterosalpingogram just to be sure...
Aww, thank you! These kinds of things just make my day! :) I wasn't sure if people would get bored with them, lol but I'm really finding joy in looking for my muchness moments.
DeleteI hope your IVF is a big success!
I hope that at the worst, you find out something with an easy treatment.
ReplyDeleteThanks, me too!
DeleteI just wanted to tell you I love your mug! My motto for my last cycle was Hope Faith and Love. I had a bracelet with those words that i wore during treatments and I had a "shrine" in my house with a little rock garden with those words too. Always thinking good thoughts for you!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I love it too. It's such a great motto. What a neat thing to have a rock garden like that. :) Thank you for the happy thoughts!
DeleteIt's great you are being proactive. I don't understand how any doctor can recommend waiting for multiple losses when it is such a grand expense, both financially AND emotionally to go through IVF, donor embryos, etc. I hope the tests all come back clear, but if they don't, at least you will know how to make the next round all the more successful. Great job with the muchiness!
ReplyDeleteHi there, just found your blog and I'm sad to say I can relate all too well. We just had an M/C at 8 weeks after our first FET cycle. Anyway, just wanted to drop by and say hello and I'm so sorry for your loss. My PCP just ordered up a bunch of blood clotting disorder tests, but I have a feeling they'll come back negative. But you're right - it's better to know. And what's one more blood draw after all the ones we've had to do, right? I can't believe I used to be afraid of needles. That seems so ridiculous now.
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