The dish came to me and my eyes welled up with tears. In my mind I said:
I wish that you will never know the pain of infertility.
I had to quickly pass the dish to the next person so I didn't get too wrapped up in the emotion involved in that moment, but it was very powerful for me. I watched the bride and groom smile at the alter, blissful and in love. I remember staring at Kevin the same way the day we got married. We had no idea what was ahead. I had a moment of reflection on how much has happened since our blissful wedding day.
So much joy.
So much pain.
But there was something freeing in being able to wrap up the road we've traveled into a single wish and send it into the universe for this couple's new life.
I was reminded that I am not the same person I was when I stood at that alter, I am forever changed. I am even more in love with Kevin today than I was on our wedding day despite...actually no, because of the hard road we have walked. I feel as though I have aged by centuries. This has been difficult, yet rewarding at the same time. I can say that we have had to remind ourselves of the vow "in good times in bad" more than we ever thought we would. And for that, we are stronger.
On the way home from the wedding I was surprised to hear Kevin express that he had done much of the same reflecting that I had done during the ceremony. It was so sweet to hear him talk joyously about the day he took me as his wife. I asked him what his wish was for the newlyweds and...
It was the exact same as mine. Infertility changes our husbands too, ladies.
If I could go back in a time machine to October 24, 2009 I would have told myself:
Don't let the bumps in the road make you forget to show love to your husband.
Pain hurts, but it has a purpose.
Never give up.
It will all be worth it in the end.
What would you have told yourself on your wedding day if you could go back?
The beautiful rings that will forever remind me of my vows
Beautiful post and rings! Infertility has changed us as well. But, I can't say it is a bad thing. We are so connected. If I could go back and tell myself something it would be "look deep into each others eyes when you discuss things; for the eyes can tell a story."
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful sentiment.... this is SO true. The eyes never lie. They DO tell a story.
DeleteThis is a powerful post.That is a beautiful wish for the newly wed couple.It's amazing how your husband opened up and basically had the same wish. I thought the passing of the rings was a nice touch and unique.I haven't heard of that before. I feel like I went through the same road after marriage.Never knew that we would have trouble conceiving etc.All the hope,pain,and tears that we have encountered along the way.Yes I think we are stronger and can stand strong when the path gets difficult.It draws you closer as you struggle to your goal.I have learned many a great lesson along this journey.Never give up,keep going,keep hopeful and pray.I think prayer would be first then the others etc. Never waiver keep the course then maybe your dream may come true.Ours did after many years.My prayers and hope for others in waiting is that their hope and dreams come true as well.
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of this. Isn't it incredible how much wisdom comes from something like infertility? Still boggles my mind.
DeleteBeautiful post! I agree, infertility does change us. And thankfully, we too, have grown stronger. And I wouldn't change that for anything.
ReplyDeleteThanks, yes I agree. In a strange way, I don't think I would change anything either.
DeleteThat's a beautiful idea for the ceremony. I feel very similarly about the impact of infertility/loss on my relationship with my husband; it's brought us closer together and deepened our love and committment to one another.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'd tell my old self much different now, just: you'll always have love, keep going, you'll get there, one day.
Great advice for newlyweds. So simple, yet so easy to forget when we're in the trenches. Glad that there are moments to remind us of it all over again.
DeleteWhat a beautiful post! I teared up as I read it. The part that really struck me was "Pain hurts, but it has a purpose." This is so true. When we're knee deep in our sorrows it's hard to remember that there is a greater purpose in our pain that what we can see at the moment. Infertility is a funny thing...I wouldn't wish it on anyone and yet I wouldn't wish I'd never experienced it. I'm a different person than I was 3 years ago and, despite being all too aware of the many flaws infertility has brought to light in me, I hope I am becoming a better person. -DoubleP
ReplyDeleteI really feel that there really is a purpose to pain, as much as we hate it at the time and don't understand it. There's a bigger reason for all of this.
DeleteYou are right that this struggle definitely makes you aware of flaws, but only in those times can you work on making them better. And in the end, we are better.
I teared up as well. I supposed I wouldve told myself not to wait to try to start our family. But if this was always meant to be our path, I'd probably also tell myself to gear up for one of the hardest challenges we will face. DP is right, Infertility changes us. Some days I'm not sure if I like that person some days, but I know I am stronger because of it. Megs3084
ReplyDeleteIt certainly does change us, but I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone in being grateful (in a weird way) for having the opportunity to grow.
DeleteOh gees, make me cry... great post! I would have totally teared up at the wedding.
ReplyDeleteThank you, yes...it was hard not to lose it putting my wish out for them.
DeleteWhat a fun idea! I love those rings! On my wedding day, I would have told myself that that day was the day I started my family.
ReplyDeleteWhat a perfect sentiment. You're right, I need to remember this. I am also going to share this with my husband. Beautiful.
DeleteTears all around! My goodness, what a beautiful reflection. I think I would remind myself that there is a lesson to be learned through all struggles. And that working really hard at things makes you appreciate them more when you finally achieve them. There is a song by the Eli Young Band, The Fight, that always brings me back to our days of infertility. It's such an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteI know that song.... thank you for the kind words and commenting. :) I know this will all be worth it in the end.
DeleteThat is a very unique idea, but I love the idea of getting a special wish from each of the guests! Infertility does change us. It does change our plans and dreams of our future, but you are right. There is a lot of good that we gain from our experiences. However, I still wouldn't wish the struggle on a single other person. Sounds like you and Kevin were able to have a sweet moment.
ReplyDelete